Shooting for Perfection: Production Hints

I hope it's all right to mention a few observations I have made in the videos I've been viewing, not to be condescending, just hopefully helpful; that is, in terms of helping to entertain me. I'm sure these thoughts have occurred to others, as well. #1 Unnecessary Drama: The world's first satellite is about to be launched, and you can tell by the anxious looks on the faces of everyone in the crowd, as the camera zooms in on them, that this is a life-and-death moment for all humanity. Whenever horses pull a carriage in pre-twentieth-century timeframes, back it up with a nice, loud orchestra to emphasize the common mode of transportation for that period. However, when the passenger needs to stop the carriage to get out and relieve himself, switch over to the next movement. #2 Opening Theme and Credits: First of all, do we need an opening theme? Why? So we can be more repetitive and annoying with every new episode? Very well, then. Let's pick a good one, shall we? A great one. The kind of theme that gets written every two hundred years. Simple, but endlessly amusing, like Batman. We should have it in time for your great grandchildren. In the meantime, Batman rules the rockin theme songs, while MASH rules the sentimental themes, at least in my books. And there are no others even approaching them, aside from maybe Chico and the Man, You're Gonna Make It After All, The Munsters, Sanford and Son, Sesame Street, the second Space:1999 theme was an improvement, Laverne and Shirley, South Park, Fame, The Pink Panther, Peanuts - which I figured out on my guitar earlier, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, The 'World at War' series, narrated by Lawrence Olivier, and maybe a couple dozen more, plus whatever you like, of course, but too many that insult them. #3 Misleading Descriptions: The search words, 'failed rocket launch' should not - and I repeat - should not lead to your kid brother's toy rocket in the back yard getting blown over by a gust of wind. When I ask for failed rocket launches, I want spectacular, scientific failure on the grandest scale imaginable. I want blazing globs of rocket fuel raining down from the heavens at night in every direction, like a mad swarm of giant space-fireflies, spewing red hot venom everywhere, as the people look up and run like hell. Something like that. #4 Striking a Balance: I often seem to get more than I bargained for when I choose something. An art film set in ancient times may throw a kinky sex scene at you, much to your disapproval. You may instead have been hoping for a war scene featuring one of those rugged, old battering rams, with the walls tumbling and enemy elephants leaping out from the dust and debris. Keep that possibility in the back of your mind when making an art video. #5 Boring Opinions: Boring opinions include atheism, hypocrisy, philosophy, how to handle a breakup, suicide, subconscious manipulations in documentaries, video criticisms and so forth. #6 Unnecessary Dialogue: Please don't tell me that it doesn't exist in considerable quantity in the formatted stuff. How else could they divide it evenly into the allotted timespan? Wouldn't they have to stretch it out here and there, in order to make it fit? Or to allow new viewers to come in and not miss out too much? Have you noticed those documentaries, however informative, that keep repeating the same damn phrases over and over like a broken record?
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© 2010. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.