In spite of its title, this new blog ain't gettin any newer. Gonna have to try with the next one. See ya there.

Tyke That

Not all child's art is good. Some of it is bad. By a reasonable age, a child should be able to draw a three-dimensional house. What's with right angle triangles for rooftops? I never see roofs like that. That's wrong. And, hey there, junior, your stick man's neck is not the axis for his arms and legs. You need a torso in there. Take a second look. And if I were him, I wouldn't be smiling. I'd be looking for a brush to fix my hair and maybe a plastic surgeon to fix my eyes, nose and mouth; that is, if I could pry my melted together fingers apart well enough to operate a forklift so I could pay for the operation and in order to spare me limping around like the hunchback of Notre Dame on those uneven legs with clubbed feet and drawing derisive laughter everywhere. Lastly, you can't make up for crappy printing by using all different colours either. I'll be watching out for that one. Tear it up now. I want to see you tear it up. Go on. It's all right. It's no good! We'll start again.
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© 2007, 2010. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Who Cares?

I was just thinking how much it would suck to have no opinion. That would mean I had no personality either. It might smooth things out in most workplaces, but I would just be like an automaton in that role. I'd be getting the job done while I was light years away in my head. You know what I mean? I think most people do, but some I wonder about. It seems that they are less away in their heads than simply non-existent. You picture the world through their eyes as a kind of scribbly cartoon made out of jumpy lines repeating the same joke at them over and over, but they can never get it. If you have no opinion, you can fit into any situation. And there's just so many different situations that you can fit into - maybe a little uncomfortable at first - but you'll fit in eventually, as long as your opinion doesn't get in the way. And there's always someone else's opinion to keep these folks distracted and entertained. So having no opinion of your own may not be all bad.
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© 2010. Statements by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Discussing Dogs

The best way to teach a dog to catch a frisbee is to first make sure he or she is a fast runner with expanding jaws. Streamlined animals tend to have less wind resistance when they hit that jumping off point and go sailing into the air. Pitbulls perform well as grabbers, but greyhounds are more aerodynamic. Bring the dog to a park with enough room to give it a good run. Take out the frisbee and get the dog's attention with it. Wave it in his face or something. Once you have him going crazy for it, wind up and then fake a throw. That gives the dog time to catch up with the actual throw, which you aim over his head but within grabbing range. The dog never checks to see if you really threw the frisbee until he reaches the optimum distance. Otherwise, if he's too near you when you throw it, he won't be able to catch up with it. Once the dog knows what you're doing, you can train it to run at the count of three. Wind up. Count. One. Two. On 'three', fake the throw. Dog goes running. After a while, you don't even have to fake the throw.
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© 2010. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Pet Topic

My pitbull trusted me utterly. When I had a strong branch in my hand, she would snap it up in her powerful jaws and let me pull her off the ground and around and around me. She knew I wouldn't let go and send her backflipping through the air into the lake.
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© 2010. Statements by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Too Many Hands

Put your hand in the hand of the man who's into Waters Background girls: Roger Waters! Put your hand in the hand of a man you may never meet B.G.: He's got the beat! Put your hand in his hand or he's liable to put it somewhere It shouldn't be Background Girls: (Stay silent and make no-no gestures, perhaps waving their index fingers.) So put your hand in his hand and keep him standing on his feet
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© 2007, 2010. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Shooting for Perfection: Production Hints

I hope it's all right to mention a few observations I have made in the videos I've been viewing, not to be condescending, just hopefully helpful; that is, in terms of helping to entertain me. I'm sure these thoughts have occurred to others, as well. #1 Unnecessary Drama: The world's first satellite is about to be launched, and you can tell by the anxious looks on the faces of everyone in the crowd, as the camera zooms in on them, that this is a life-and-death moment for all humanity. Whenever horses pull a carriage in pre-twentieth-century timeframes, back it up with a nice, loud orchestra to emphasize the common mode of transportation for that period. However, when the passenger needs to stop the carriage to get out and relieve himself, switch over to the next movement. #2 Opening Theme and Credits: First of all, do we need an opening theme? Why? So we can be more repetitive and annoying with every new episode? Very well, then. Let's pick a good one, shall we? A great one. The kind of theme that gets written every two hundred years. Simple, but endlessly amusing, like Batman. We should have it in time for your great grandchildren. In the meantime, Batman rules the rockin theme songs, while MASH rules the sentimental themes, at least in my books. And there are no others even approaching them, aside from maybe Chico and the Man, You're Gonna Make It After All, The Munsters, Sanford and Son, Sesame Street, the second Space:1999 theme was an improvement, Laverne and Shirley, South Park, Fame, The Pink Panther, Peanuts - which I figured out on my guitar earlier, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, The 'World at War' series, narrated by Lawrence Olivier, and maybe a couple dozen more, plus whatever you like, of course, but too many that insult them. #3 Misleading Descriptions: The search words, 'failed rocket launch' should not - and I repeat - should not lead to your kid brother's toy rocket in the back yard getting blown over by a gust of wind. When I ask for failed rocket launches, I want spectacular, scientific failure on the grandest scale imaginable. I want blazing globs of rocket fuel raining down from the heavens at night in every direction, like a mad swarm of giant space-fireflies, spewing red hot venom everywhere, as the people look up and run like hell. Something like that. #4 Striking a Balance: I often seem to get more than I bargained for when I choose something. An art film set in ancient times may throw a kinky sex scene at you, much to your disapproval. You may instead have been hoping for a war scene featuring one of those rugged, old battering rams, with the walls tumbling and enemy elephants leaping out from the dust and debris. Keep that possibility in the back of your mind when making an art video. #5 Boring Opinions: Boring opinions include atheism, hypocrisy, philosophy, how to handle a breakup, suicide, subconscious manipulations in documentaries, video criticisms and so forth. #6 Unnecessary Dialogue: Please don't tell me that it doesn't exist in considerable quantity in the formatted stuff. How else could they divide it evenly into the allotted timespan? Wouldn't they have to stretch it out here and there, in order to make it fit? Or to allow new viewers to come in and not miss out too much? Have you noticed those documentaries, however informative, that keep repeating the same damn phrases over and over like a broken record?
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© 2010. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Rectal Ventriloquism

Someone's at it with their loud power saw again. I can make that sound, too. I just have oatmeal for breakfast, eat it fast, switch on my amp and plug my mic into it, wait about twenty minutes, then, when I feel a gassy buildup in my colon, I put the mic up to my ass and let out one of those machine gunners with the volume set on about six. It can't be one of those singing farts. They're too musical. Sorry. I wouldn't complain, but I'm trying to record a vocal track here. It's hard to make music when you're buried among so many noise enthusiasts.
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© 2010. Statements by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Shooting for Perfection: Keeping It Timeless

Some old movies are good and some are bad. I have my own way of telling them apart. The picture quality or colour matters less to me than the script and the overall execution. I have peculiar demands. It must be quiet. It must have patches of silence here and there, with that blip from putting a needle onto the phonograph only. Aside from that, its dialogue must be free of contemporary idioms. Look back on a 40's movie with popular expressions from that time and you may find it impossible not to fall asleep. It must have words on the screen in the key spots where they are needed. Maybe a sign is in a foreign language and must be translated into English. Maybe some time has passed over the course of the story, and a few things have changed in the life of the lead character. All robots must be made of silver spray-painted cardboard boxes with venting hoses from dryers for arms and gloves for hands and cute little satellite dishes for ears. They must speak in a monotonous tone of their malevolence towards mankind. Good guitar picking is no substitute for a traceable plot, in the case of certain trendy flicks from history. No music at all seems to work rather well, I find, in the ones I like the best.
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© 2010. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

David! (Instead of 'Nomad!' ha ha)

Just had a problem-free bus ride out to a friend's and back. Vancouver is mostly a good place. I'm sure I'd have no trouble at all if I didn't stick my neck out. Instead of feeling nervous and anxious, I'm relaxed and quite thrilled. Soon I will be out performing. My programming has kicked in. The green light below the back of my left ear is flashing away with a good strong pulse. A voice yells, 'David! Execute your prime function!' Ex-e-cute my prime func-tion. Must con-tam-i-nate! MUST CON-TA-MI-NATE!
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© 2010. Statements by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Yawn

I slept in after I came home. Just woke up now. Great sleep in this morning. Forgot what that feels like. I've been too busy working all the time. All day and all night. I'm glad I haven't been home through the day in all this last while because I strongly sense that there is a satellite or something focused on this building and it takes pictures of everyone who stops by to yell their -uh- thoughts up to my window. I just find it unsettling to see so many people go on the record like this, though I'm sure it's helping my case for wanting to make some money, so I can get the fuck out of here. Not all my visitors are here for that. The women seem to like the attention. 'Oh, is there a satellite up there looking down at us? Let's show it our breasts!' I guess I didn't have to be so honest in my blogs about certain things. Too late now. Just going to try to live in this pressure cooker here until I get the guitar straight for my new composition and come up with some new lyrics. Bye for now.
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© 2010. Statements by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Peekaboo!

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© 2010. Statements by David Skerkowski's Neutronia. All rights reserved.

Presenting the Goddess Neutronia

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© 2010. Statements by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Practice

Need some glitter paint for the headdress.
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© 2010. Statements by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Me Pain' n'

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© 2010. Statements by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Sunday Hobby

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© 2010. Statements by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Which of These Things

Check out my set-up, man! I got the sheet music stand to put my lyrics on, in case I need them. (I might need to get glasses.) And the hot iron stays plugged in. Got the amp there. But, and I'm serious, I have to go get some paints for the wall there. We need some more colour in these shots.
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© 2010. Statements by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

In the Name of Freud

When we think of why we do things, a lot of us assume that we are motivated consciously by our will. Overall, hopefully, but I would argue that much of our behaviour is more the outcome of subconscious helplessness. Subconscious helplessness is more of a pattern than a motive. It's when you surrender to forces which act independently of your conscious will. You might say it's when you can't help being yourself. You are not acting consciously. Some folks call it your personality. It is not a consciously contrived package. It is not a grab for power or anything other than who you are.
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© 2010. Statements by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Thumbs Up

I just noticed that my hands operate independently of me sometimes; automatically, as though they had their own brains. (On the guitar.) I picture this organ to be located in the base of the thumb. At the moment my hand has a headache.
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© 2010. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Path to Sympathy

To put yourself in someone else's shoes, it helps to share some of their experience. Since many people are locked into one role or job in their lives, it may make them less sympathetic. Some people who work get wrapped up in their hardships and direct their anger on those who don't work. This is because they never tried to eat just Shake and Bake for dinner and threw up later. Some chronically unemployed people justify their lifestyle choice by stating with confidence that all workers are slaves. In a sense they are right, at least in terms of wage slavery. But they have a hard time saying this and smelling good at once. Since we do tend to spend the bulk of our waking lives in our jobs or unemployment, various work experiences would help make a guy more sympathetic. I'm sympathetic with everyone from delivery boys to government clerks. It's good experience for me. I could never forget where I came from, though it is impossible to remember precisely.
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© 2010. Statements by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Shameless Heroism

I'm not altogether a Spiderman fan or a Hercules cartoon fan for one reason. What's with all the men's legs? Why did you have to have your characters in tights or in skirts? So you could show off your talent at drawing legs better than the other cartoons? They're very well drawn legs, but, besides being men's legs, there's often no reason for them. (Except for Hercules.) They say they use the tights for colour, but you can have colourful slacks, too. Please clothe your characters less tightly in the future. Except for women.
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© 2010. Statements by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Just Three Seconds

I know I've railed about injustice in past posts, but it has two sides. The pendulum of injustice swings back and forth. And when it's on your side, the thing to do, in keeping with injustce, is to grab it and hold it tightly, depriving others from it as long as possible - at least as I see it. Don't let anyone pry it from you for at least three seconds.
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© 2010. Statements by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Yours Exhaustedly

People from past centuries had far better handwriting. Ever noticed that? Why is that? And they had better grammar, it seemed. But the penmanship was superior. Look at Montcalm's letter of surrender to General Wolfe if you can find it. The man was dying, yet look what his hand produced. Much higher standard there.
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© 2007, 2010. Statements by David Skerkowski based on a remembered lesson from his Grade Ten history class. All rights reserved.